Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
