i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
