The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
