I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
