I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
