White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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