Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
