tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
