your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
