i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
