Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
