Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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