Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
tell me about the eggs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
