i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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