He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize