Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
did i just pee glitter
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
