I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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