He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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