I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
