yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
