Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
