Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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