; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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