Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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