R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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