I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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