Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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