his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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