Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
