Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize