He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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