he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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