you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
