I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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