Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
