He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
