the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
