I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
