I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
