Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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