Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
