you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
love makes seman taste better
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
