i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
