Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I believe in your delicious
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
