When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
not ubering you a puppy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
