apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
