I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize