hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
