Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
