Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
