for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
