This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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