And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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