I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
