Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
