Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
