No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
