Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize