I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
