You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
