Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
