On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
