my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
