Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
