i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
