shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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