its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
