Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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