please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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