I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
