whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize